"I've been lying like this for days. Oh, I just want to sit up now. Not just be awake - I want to feel. I want to feel the fresh air from the morning. I want to feel the chaos of the street, the unpleasant traffic. I want to have a plan for the day. I want to get going. I want to be charming.
But I'm here.. Still lying, drowning. I can hardly open my eyes, I see some light flashing through my lashes, is it the afternoon sun? or twilight? It seems like lightning on a dark sky. It is … I can hear the thunders and my heart beat along … I was never scared of the thunders, even as a kid. Why am I scared now? I want to break the shackles I feel, I want to fly … like the time I felt cold air beat my cheeks when I jumped off the plane. I was happy, I was falling free and I hadn't felt anything like it. I was high, I wasn't afraid, there was nothing pulling me down other than gravity. But now I cannot get myself to walk - something I've known more than to fly.
I still want to go out there you know – my heart wants to do things of the unknown. I have always liked the normal milestones of life – enjoying high school, being a good student; a good daughter; a great friend, wanting to fall in love; to marry; to have two kids. But a big part of me also wants to break free - more often than usual. I want to be out somewhere, to feel challenged to my guts, to experience anxiety I've never known, to have a smile amidst all the uncertainties because I know it’s going to be good. I want to feel that. Live that. Once!
I want to step out from the mundane. I want to quit from all the known. I want to jump off to a path that I can’t explain to myself why I took. I want to find out at the end that it was just the best thing I ever did. I want to be the ‘me’ that I've still not become. I want to set myself free."
-Shwetha
But I'm here.. Still lying, drowning. I can hardly open my eyes, I see some light flashing through my lashes, is it the afternoon sun? or twilight? It seems like lightning on a dark sky. It is … I can hear the thunders and my heart beat along … I was never scared of the thunders, even as a kid. Why am I scared now? I want to break the shackles I feel, I want to fly … like the time I felt cold air beat my cheeks when I jumped off the plane. I was happy, I was falling free and I hadn't felt anything like it. I was high, I wasn't afraid, there was nothing pulling me down other than gravity. But now I cannot get myself to walk - something I've known more than to fly.
I still want to go out there you know – my heart wants to do things of the unknown. I have always liked the normal milestones of life – enjoying high school, being a good student; a good daughter; a great friend, wanting to fall in love; to marry; to have two kids. But a big part of me also wants to break free - more often than usual. I want to be out somewhere, to feel challenged to my guts, to experience anxiety I've never known, to have a smile amidst all the uncertainties because I know it’s going to be good. I want to feel that. Live that. Once!
I want to step out from the mundane. I want to quit from all the known. I want to jump off to a path that I can’t explain to myself why I took. I want to find out at the end that it was just the best thing I ever did. I want to be the ‘me’ that I've still not become. I want to set myself free."
-Shwetha
