I am sitting in the bus, off for another weekend to Madras. As I sit listening to music and gazing outside the window, my thoughts wander as usual. But today it is not about the shop with the banner advertising ‘Great Sale’, or the ambulance passing by, or the poor lady begging on the street. It is neither about meeting my friends over the weekend. It is about me. About how my life has become what it is now. About how things might be hereafter ... I will be 22 years old in less than a month. Have I done what I need to by this age? Am I working towards building the foundation that will decide most of the rest of my life? - I have realized the significance of the number 21 with regards to one’s age. This is the year when some of the most significant changes of one’s life take place.
Thinking of how my life is now as compared to what I expected it to be, I am left with feeling few regrets that seem trivial in the midst of my joys. Life has not shaped up to exactly how I expected it to be but I could not have asked for more. I have been blessed with a job that pays me well and gives me an excellent environment to be myself. Some of my friends and their parents awe me for this. When I listen to them praising me, a prick of guilt; a feeling of dissatisfaction hits my mind. What is it? Is it the fact that I got this amazing job without me slogging too hard, or is it that I am still not working up to it and making the best use of the wonderful opportunities that fly around me? Today I realized that it is the latter. I least dreamt that I’d be working in an IT job doing techie stuff. I always told everyone that I did not want to be a techie. Is it because it truly is not my field of interest? Do I know what my real interest is? Do I know what my field of expertise may be which could build me a career? Or is it this reason that now rings deep in my heart – that I probably always found being a techie way too cool and intelligent that I never had the courage to reach up and work for it? I know now.
Being in a company that is a technology leader, I have all access to widen my technical knowledge. What I have forgotten is to work hard. I have forgotten to work towards my dreams. I have forgotten that nothing is impossible. I have been overwhelmed and not been able to jump out of this ocean of thoughts that has unknowingly made me weaker. Today I have decided to not be encumbered by the past or the supposedly overwhelming present. I promise to go off and do something wonderful.
